Superfriends
Jessi: Am I the only person on the planet
whose favorite superfriend was Aquaman?
Chris: Yes - you are
Chris: Aquaman can't do DICK
Jessi: You guys are all crazy.
Jessi: 1. He was so hot
Jessi: 2. He controlled all the creatures of
the ocean!
Chris: Which came in handy in OUTER SPACE
Chris: Besides, how would you feel as a whale,
if you're busy doing something, and suddenly Aquaman happens to need a ride
somewhere?
Jessi: When, I ask you, WHEN were the
superfriends dealing with outerspace criminals? ON a regular basis? NO.
Chris: MORE THAN THEY WERE IN THE OCEAN
Jessi: What does a whale have to do?
Jessi: The whale should thank Neptune that
Aquaman is GIVING him something to do.
Chris: AQUAMAN - Hey, guys? Can we move the
fight closer to the shore a bit? So I can maybe get a flock of seagulls to help
us out?
Chris: SUPERMAN - Shut the fuck up.
Chris: WONDER WOMAN -Just go sit in the goddam
Invisible Jet and don't touch anything.
Chris: MARVIN - You dumb asshole.
Chris: AQUAMAN - Now, I'll take it from them,
but YOU, I'll kick your ever-lovin' ass.
Chris: MARVIN - Sorry.
Jessi: Aquaman summons all of the sharks of
the world to eat the superfriends.
Jessi: I'd love to see an adult justice
league, with swearing like that.
Chris: We should do a special feature like
that for APP
Jessi: I'd love to see Superman say SHUT THE
FUCK UP and then bitchslap someone.
Chris: BATMAN -Why do the fucking wonder twins
have to cock it up every time?
Jessi: Zan and Jayna cowering in the corner
Jessi: Aquaman - I guess you think you're hot
shit because your plane is INVISIBLE. It just makes you look like a fucking retard
who doesn't know how to horizontally bitch.
Jessi: HOW TO FLY HORIZONTALLY
Chris: WONDER WOMAN -Why don't you call some
of your sea horse buddies in here, you fish fuck?
Chris: WONDER WOMAN - Hey, I'm hungry. Who
wants to go down to RED LOBSTER with me for some FISH?
Jessi: Yes, and I'm back.
Chris: AQUAMAN - You BITCH!
Chris: WONDER WOMAN - Why don't you call for
some help, blondie? Oh, that's right - WE'RE INDOORS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY.
NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO.
Jessi: BATMAN - That bitch needs to get
laid...
Chris: (Aquaman bursts into tears)
Jessi: ROBIN - I think..
BATMAN - SIT DOWN, and keep your fucking mouth shut
Chris: APACHE CHIEF - Oh, Jesus. Here we go
with the waterworks.
Jessi: APACHE CHIEF! HAHAHAHAH
Jessi: (Aquaman continues crying)
Human Torch: Christ almighty talk about flame on.
Chris: HAHAHAHA
Chris: AQUAMAN: I HEARD THAT!
Jessi: The piece for APP should be entitled:
AQUAMAN'S TORMENTS
Jessi: Zan: What's Gleek doing?
Jayna: He's in the corner jacking off, eating his own feces.
Chris: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA
Chris: SOLOMON GRUNDY: Hi, we're here from The
League of Doom for the battle - (he sees everyone bickering) Whoops. We'll come
back later.
Chris: ZAN- Why don't you take the form of an
ICE QUEEN, Jayna. Oh, that;'s right - YOU ALREADY ARE.
Chris: SUPERMAN - No shit - that bitch needs
what I GOT.
Jessi: SUPERMAN: GREAT, GREAT! Now we look
like a bunch of idiots, Robin didn't even have his pants on!
Jessi: Wonder Woman - Step off...Jayna's MY
bitch if she's anyone
Chris: ROBIN: (mocking Zan) "Form of... a
LATENT HOMOSEXUAL!"
Jessi: AQUAMAN: You chicks both smell like
fish.
(Everyone just stops and stares...Aquaman can't compete in this
arena)
Jessi: Zan: You've got a lot of room to talk
Robin
Batman: No, you're wrong Zan, Robin isn't latent
Jessi: (Robin and Zan engage in a brief
scuffle)
Chris: WONDER WOMAN: Will you love birds BREAK
IT UP? I'm trying to fight crime here.
Chris: SUPERMAN: You all know that in a
contest, I'd kick your asses... right?
Jessi: Batman: (makes a little hand puppet)
Blah, blah, blah
Chris: SUPERMAN: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Jessi: BATMAN: I said BLAH BLAH BLAH, you
wanna go?
Chris: SUPERMAN: (igniting Batman's cape with
heat vision) Why don't you put your sissy cape out first, fag.
Chris: SUPERMAN (flying to ceiling): Then,
I'll be waiting up here for you. Oh wait - You can't FUCKING FLY.
Jessi: AQUAMAN: You guys....come on...
*dancing around*, we have to go fight the legion of DOOOOM!
Jessi: BATMAN: (hits superman squarely in the
forehead with his grappling hook) I'll get him down
Chris: ROBIN: Lighten up, fishstick.
Chris: AQUAMAN: Did anyone ever tell you that
you sound just like Casey Kasem?
Chris: ROBIN: SHUT UP!
Chris: BATMAN: He's right, though.
Jessi: ROBIN: Nigga please.
Jessi: BATMAN: Never mind Robin, he's going
through a phase...a STREET phase
Chris: ROBIN: I'm just keepin' it REAL
Jessi: WONDER WOMAN: Yes, that orange tunic is
helping
Chris: ROBIN: Why don't you just flash us your
breasts and be done with it? That's the only reason you're here, anyway, bitch.
Chris: SUPERMAN: He's right...
Jessi: WONDER WOMAN: Give me a break Robin,
one look at my tits and you'd be passed out for a week.
Jessi: AQUAMAN: If you were a REAL Amazon,
you'd have eight tits, did you know that?
Jessi: Wonder Woman: NO, I'm a fucking moron.
Chris: SUPERMAN: You're just pissed because
your movies sucked. ALL of them
BATMAN: Wouldn't YOU be?
Chris: ROBIN: I wouldn't call Superman 4:
Quest for Peace a work of art, though
Jessi: ROBIN: We're all just waiting for YOU
to have a debilitating accident.
Chris: SUPERMAN: Fuck OFF!
Jessi: Superman: I bet you busted out cryin'
when you saw that cod piece on O'Donnell, eh Robin?
Jessi: ROBIN: DUDE! At least it's proof that I
HAVE A DICK.
Chris: SUPERMAN: I'll show you dick the size
of the fucking Eiffel TOWER!
Chris: BATMAN: Easy there, Liberace.
Jessi: APACHE CHIEF: We don't want to start a
dick contest do we? It would be too sad.
Jessi: AQUAMAN: Besides, take one look at the
hair under wonder woman's pits and you know she's got the biggest dick of all.
Chris: WONDER WOMAN: If I have a dick, you can
SUCK IT
Jessi: JAYNA: HAHAHAHAHHAA
WONDER WOMAN: BACK IN THE BOX, BITCH
Chris: ZAN: FORM OF BITCH! FORM OF BITCH!
Jessi: SUPERMAN: Why don't you do something
fruitful, like transform into a twenty dollar whore so I can get some play?
Chris: (Legion of Doom has their ears pressed
to the door outside, listening and laughing)
Jessi: (banks are being robbed by five year
olds...murder, rape and kidnapping at all time high)