The WB Message Board
3/25/00
Hey Jessi--
I know that I have been silent the last couple of weeks but believe me I have not forgotten you (you can sleep well now knowing that) I actually have been caught up in all this talk about your hotness. Im tired of people yelling at you for just sharing how fucking hot you are(to put it mildly) All those people who dont like it suck, I personally want to see pictures of you making out with lesbians. All these people are now crawling out of the woodwork but just remember that I was your original lover, baby.
xoxoxoxo
Dylan
Dylan:
If I had a nickel for every guy who wants pictures of me making out with lesbians, I'd have a good solid two dollars by now.
I will remember that you were my original lover, although the attachment of the name, BABY makes me feel a little bit like a mob boss call girl. Not that that's a bad thing.
Jessi
Dear Jessi:
Here's the million dollar question of the day:
How do you, Jessi McCarthy, feel about Madonna?
Princess e
Dear e:
::looking around for Jessi McCarthy, not finding her:: I'll answer this question I guess…even though Jessi McCarthy isn't my name.
Madonna…is my hero…my influence, everything I long to be. Someday I want to be a very cool, very skinny, muscle bound mama, with the ability to do ANYTHING I desire in any field of entertainment. I took up yoga because I heard Madonna was doing it. I tried being a vegetarian because Madonna was doing it (it didn't stick…FORGIVE ME). Truth or Dare is one of my favorite movies ever made, and The Immaculate Collection is a CD that quite literally changed my life.
Madonna, Till Lindemann, Tea Leoni and Jodie Foster…these are the people I long to be like.
Jessi
My Dear Jessi,
I never realized that I wielded such power; power to change the entire course of discussion on an obscure (and absurd) website.
Realizing that I asked "Please, would you stop....." and you heard that I was "ordering" you to cease and desist, I will chose my requests carefully. Perhaps I should phone that portly middle aged man who uses focus groups of frivolous pre-teen girls to develop pop bands that dominate radio, and now television, and request would he please stop sucking the creativity and passion out of youth culture for his own profit. Unless you have another suggestion.
And, by the way, I am a AbPamCamFan already. I mean, how closely have you really looked at that potted fern in your bathroom?
Frockwood
Frockwood:
Would that device in my bathroom be an AbPamFanCanCam?
Jessi
Jessi&Chris--
Firstly, this is so totally not a gripe okay? I really do like the new layout of the site and all, and even if I didn't, who am I to complain? I am little but a humble follower of the sacred green and gold print. ;-) However, I would like to say that I do sort of hope that the new layout is just in its testing phase as of now. That is because I feel that this new design is just a touch degrading ... who are we, mere viewers, to take away the attention from your collectively brilliant fiction for our mere babbling? Granted, the letters column *is* the first thing I check during updates, but only because the UA has ceased to be for a while. Anyway, keep up the good work (if you want to ... I really don't want to seem pushy ... LoL ... I'm a freak) and I hope y'all have a really nice day. ;-)
With a grin and fake Texas accent,
princess e (Pwr2Nerds@aol.com)
Dear Princess Nerds,
We're sorry you find our new look "degrading," by which I assume you mean degrading to ourselves. Don't worry about us. We're thick-skinned people. We have withstood many degradations, and placing ourselves below the rabble is the least of them.
As you can see, we are constantly experimenting with the look of our mini-mag here. This week sees the addition of a graphic logo to the Universal Assistant, as well as the addition of an unprecedented FOURTH COLOR to invade our virtual pages. So thanks for worrying about us, but it's all a part of our ever-metamorphisizing... self.
Chris
Dear APP:
I would love to hear a point/counterpoint on organized religion, but only if Chris argues for organized religion. Also I would like to read more articles about James Mason, one of the most prolific yet under appreciated voices of his generation. A man who raised the performances of all around him including a certain young crooner by the name of Pat
Boone. Your lack of articles discussing the brilliant career of Sir James Mason(yes I have knighted him myself, seeing that the Queen has been remiss)leaves me baffled and somewhat cold inside. Perhaps you are jealous of his raspy voice and piercing eyes because your voice is probably annoyingly high pitched and your eyes couldn't pierce if it were given a lance. Sorry, I must be more like Sir James and rise above the insults and humble myself to you so that his voice not mine will be heard. So please give me and the public at large what they been craving: A Journey to the Center of James Mason.
From: Ric Hard [homerquote@juno.com]
Dear Ric,
A counterpoint on organized religion? I don't think you understand what you're asking. Jessi and I can barely discuss "Peanuts" or Oprah Winfrey without becoming angry and flushed with one another. And now you want us to take on the entire question of organized religion? And you'd have me switch teams to play on the Pope's side? What sort of sick and demented person makes a request like this? Would you ask a painter to make art without his brush? Would you ask a runner to enter the marathon without his shoes? Would you ask Gary Oldman to play a role and not scream until that vein throbs in his temple? Would you ask a strapping circa-1966 James Mason to descend to the Center of the Earth without his trusty ever-light lamps, his rations, and the passionate companionship of one Mr. Pat Boone? Apparently you would. You, sir, are strange.
An article on the films of James Mason - with special emphasis on his turn as Humbert Humbert in Lolita - may be forthcoming. It may not, I cannot, shall not say at this point.
Chris
Dear Chris:
Hey man...what gives? Are you deserting us? Oh, and don't tell Fred, but can you at least give us a *clue* as to whether Jessi's hot?!?
Yours, always,
Princess E (Pwr2Nerds@aol.com)
Princess Make Me Sigh,
I'm not deserting you at all - I have just been waiting for the hotness topic to dissipate. And as you can see, I have been busy preparing a brand new Tallmadge adventure this week.
No, I won't give you any clue about hotness, Princess Nerds. This is an internet magazine devoted to fun n' fiction n' commentary; it's not a WB message board, for God's sake. Use your imagination.
Chris
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