The Absurd Pamphlet Press
presents
THE 50 THESES
Read them...heed them
1. THINK BEFORE YOU SUE...is
it possible that it was JUST A MISTAKE?
2. You are responsible for
your own children, what they eat, what they watch, what they hear, what they buy.
3. If you cannot feed them, do
not have them.
4. Sometimes...the cops are
right.
5. NO INSURANCE
6. How does murdering a doctor
prove your point about not murdering babies?
7. DON'T MAKE THE REST OF US
LOOK STUPID by being a reactionary fundamentalist
8. Racial purity is the same
thing as racial inbreeding. Remember that.
9. Quit carrying signs around
and WORK for it.
10. If your idea of looking
for a job is holding a sign at an intersection, you are not worthy of hiring
11. Doctor Kevorkian has the
right idea...but man, that guy's a little off
12. Women can be strong
without belittling men
13. The founders of our
country were brilliant people, but they were not infallible gods
14. QUIT WHINING
15. Do whatever you want in
your bedroom
16. I would never go to Mexico
without first having a grasp of the language.
17. "America" means
the immigrants have to learn English, and the residents have to learn tolerance
18. If you go to a restaurant,
plan the tip into your budget
19. Stand RIGHT, Walk LEFT
20. If you don't vote...don't
bitch
21. If you think the best
reason to have guns is because the criminals have them too, you obviously don't
remember anything about the Cold War
22. It might NOT be your job,
but would it kill you to help?
23. NO MORE LATIN
24. Don't judge until you
listen...the boy bands are OK.
25. If a kidney transplant is
too expensive for the very people who need it, then something is wrong
26. Pit Bulls don't kill
people, people who train their Pit Bulls to kill people kill people
27. LET'S TAKE THE READER
CRITICS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT
28. No one can claim they
didn't know smoking was dangerous
29. Keep an Eye on Disney
30. Maybe the reason some Mom
and Pop businesses are going out of business is that Mom and Pop aren't good
business people.
31. NO MORE MORNING ZOOS
32. Tell us the name of the
song and the artist within fifteen minutes of playing the song.
33. There's no way milk should
cost $2.50
34. Controversy does not equal
talent
35. If you enter customer service
you'd better be damn sure that you like talking to people
36. No one is asking to be
raped, no matter what they are wearing
37. You may have a penis, but
you still have to keep that penis under control
38. A crime of passion is
still a crime
39. A hate crime is still a
crime
40. A white collar crime is
still a crime
41. If you're insane, it's
still a crime
42. Don't tell me you know
what God wants - because you don't
43. Are you sorry you did it,
or are you sorry you got caught?
44. NO MORE APPEALS
45. Isn't better to have faith
in SOMETHING and find peace with it that to deny ANYTHING and be miserable?
46. Is it really worth it to
shoot me if I cut you off in traffic?
47. All Male Cigar Clubs and
Women Only Gyms ARE THE SAME THING
48. Do you really want a job
that was given to you through a quota?
49. Low Fat Cheese will never
be good
50. And thus be confident of
entering into heaven rather through many tribulations, than through the
assurance of peace.
It's
an absurd world...read all about it at
© 1999 Absurd Pamphlet Press