APP
Blind Date Set-Up
Kathy Pearson is
a court clerk and aspiring hand model in the Chicago area. She just turned 26
and is looking for an interesting man to show her a good time. Naturally, we
felt that for interesting men, no one
surpasses the philosophical deviant, Marquis De Sade. We set the two of them
up with dinner at Fondue Schmandue and then sent them bowling. Let’s see how it
went.
Kathy: Sade is French, first of all, and he’s
got this great accent. He’s an interesting dresser, and he’s got a crazy
haircut…but it’s endearing. He says he’s got some great ideas about improving
our country…so I’m anxious to hear them.
Sade: I am about to put forward some major
ideas; they will be heard and pondered. If not all of them please, surely a few
will; in some sort, then, I shall have contributed to the progress of our age,
and shall be content.
Kathy: He’s a quick mover. I mean, he was
really pushing for the sex on the first date. He really didn’t even want the
date, to be honest…just the sex. The thing is…I’m a virgin…I know, I know, it’s
hokey, but I’m saving myself for the right guy…I don’t know if Sade is that
guy.
Sade: True felicity lies only in the senses,
and virtue gratifies none of them.
Kathy: It’s not my fault…I was raised a good
Catholic girl.
Sade: The idea of God is the sole wrong for
which I cannot forgive mankind.
Kathy: So, there are some obstacles. Let’s
face it. I really can’t get myself involved with an athiest. I’m looking for
someone who will give me his heart. I’m looking, seriously, to fall in love.
Sade: Now I beg of you to tell me whether I
must love a human being simply because he exists or resembles me and whether
for those reasons alone I must suddenly prefer him to myself?
Kathy: It’s clear that he has a fear of
closeness and commitment. And besides, his ideas of sexual intimacy are
appalling.
Sade: If the objects who serve us feel ecstasy,
they are much more often concerned with themselves than with us, and our own
enjoyment is consequently impaired. The idea of seeing another person experience
the same pleasure reduces one to a kind of equality which spoils the unutterable
charms that come from despotism. If were to desire some
analysis of men’s preferences when they resort to libertinage, we might…reduce
those tastes to three: sodomy, sacrilegious fancies and penchants to cruelty.
Kathy: So, his tastes are different. And he’s
very…self oriented. I’ll say this about him, he’s all man. Perhaps a little
more man than I’d bargained for.
Sade: If it is the dirty element that gives
pleasure to the act of lust, then the dirtier it is, the more pleasurable it is
bound to be.
Kathy: Something that was a little
disconcerting was that he kept stabbing me with a fork until he drew blood.
Sade: One must do violence to the object of
one's desire; when it surrenders, the pleasure is greater.
Kathy: So, even though he treated me to a very
decadent, wonderful dinner AND was able to bowl a 211, I don’t think I’ll call
him again. I just can’t deal with the selfishness. I need someone who will give
of himself for MY pleasure.
Sade: I have supported my deviations with
reasons; I did not stop at mere doubt; I have vanquished, I have uprooted, I
have destroyed everything in my heart that might have interfered with my pleasure…but…if
she doesn’t like it, to hell with her. It only takes
one to bowl a perfect game.
©
2000 Absurd Pamphlet Press