|
The Fifty Theses The world can't go wrong if it follows these simple rules. GO
The Proverbial Job Interview You thought it was hard to get that counter job at Taco Bell? GO
Significant Other I have railed against Limp Bizkit like they were a strong and long standing cancer wiping out everyone in my family. But then, I was confronted with a problem. GO
Ayn Rants What started as an idle Instant Message conversation became a bizarre and unwarranted attack on the life work of Ayn Rand. GO
Tourists, or Good Ways to Get Murdered By Me Come to Chicago! See the sites! But for GOD'S sake, settle down. GO
The Candy Corn Cycle Fall is in the air, and with it comes...inspiration. GO!
The Shiny Rock Industry I am pleased to report that western America's most important industry, the Shiny Rock industry, is doing quite well. GO
Fan Letters From A Flounderer Famous people of the world... DAMN YOU TO HELL. GO
A Modest Proposal: Neighborhoods ALIVE! Hey, I have a good idea! Why not make it EVEN HARDER to park in the city of Chicago! Yeah! That's it! The Proposal
I Hate People Sometimes it's the way people honestly feel that WINE MATTERS. GO
A Modest Proposal: Southwest Airlines Southwest, you will be interested to note that there was at least ONE INCH of wasted space between my leg and the seat in front of me! GO
More NOTES! All right, people, line up. We're going to straighten some things out. GO
Counterpoint: Female Villains Dear APP: Why is it that when villains are female in the movies, they are portrayed as basically wildly over-sexed deviants? Why is it when a man is a villain, it's just sort of... OK? GO
Don't Feed The Whistlepig and Other Poems They may look tame--but watch out! Also featuring Anime Shanime and I Don't Know Davey. GO
A Modest Proposal: Interactive Zoo Kiosks Attention, Zoos of the World. Want to increase attendance by 1000%? Then this free proposal is for you. GO
Rammstein vs. N' Sync A comparative breakdown of the two very similar bands, contrasting such factors as Lyrical Content, Sex Appeal, and Use of Fire & Liquids. GO
Ameritech, and a Theory of Human Behavior It's not a theory that I WANT to embrace. But they're forcing me to, people. GO
The Meaning of Life (Updated) The continuing column charting Crash McCartney's views on this most epic question! GO
The Robots of Citibank I tell, you the war between Robots and Humans is already being waged, and Citibank is site of the first Robot's victory. GO
Music as Accomplice I'm not going to tell you that the members of Rammstein are good, catholic, low fat, low cholesterol, puppy loving angels, because they're not. GO
APP Blind Date Set Up: Audrey / Darth Maul Audrey MacArthur, 24, Advertising Junior Executive, was looking for someone interesting, and we here at APP found him. GO
In Defense of Livin' La Vida Loca A startling admission from a member of the APP editorial staff. GO
The Water Moccasin Cycle Various brilliant poems, featuring Reembowelled, Cary Grant Runs for His Life, and Having Dropped the Tack I Was Saving. GO
APP Blind Date Set Up: Padme / Obi-Wan We jump the gun on Episode 2 to get those two together, if even for just one date. GO
F.A.Q. Frequently Asked Questions about our site, life, and other things. GO
Notes As a public service, APP has a few simple suggestions that might make life a little easier. GO
|
|