APP: Kiss or Kill

Kiss or Kill

A review by Jessi

Kiss or Kill is an Australian movie by Bill Bennett that you can rent from Blockbuster in the Action section. But you don’t have to, because I already did. And I’m here to tell you that it literally put me into an angry mood, not because it dealt with mistrust and injustice in the Australian outback, but because I thought it was going to deal with power, violence and bondage in the Australian outback. The trailer for this movie is on The Jackal home rental I believe and that’s what inspired me to rent it. It’s clear that the person who edited the trailer obviously had some great ideas for what this movie should be about, and I venture to say that he was as disappointed as I was when the final reels hit the screen.

Listen, I dig you crazy young film makers. I think you’ve got some fresh, vital ideas. But don’t you EVER make me sit through a movie filmed entirely in clips. This movie is nothing but jump cuts…seeing one action from six different angles. At the very beginning, Nikki takes a phone book out of the drawer FIVE TIMES. We see that action FIVE TIMES, and it’s not even essential to the plot! It makes my eyes, heart and brain hurt when a film maker dicks around with me as much as one Mr. Bill Bennett.

Kiss or Kill is the story of two young con artists who accidentally (?) kill one of the pushovers they’re trying to rob. So they hit the road, pursued by two bungling but lovable cops who manage to arrive on the scene about five minutes late every time. As the story progresses, more people end up dead and Al and Nikki begin to distrust each other…which leads to Al tying Nikki to the bed post to keep her from murdering him in his sleep. There’s a moment right then that’s so sexy I wanted to kick the television in for being such a tease about it. THESE PEOPLE WERE BORN TO BE IN BONDAGE…and yet we’re granted nothing. No sex, no bitchslaps, not even a little spicy talk…he just ties her wrists to the bedposts and very gently kisses her goodnight. I QUIT.

I don’t give this movie an F though…because it was a pretty good story (if you weren’t looking for a spicy sort film), and the actors were wonderful. It was a movie that was about the plot and the actors instead of flashy special effects, and we don’t get to see that too much anymore. In conclusion, I give it a C…and now:

THE RANT

I have either got to start writing or producing films because I went to three different video stores over the course of three days and I couldn’t find ONE MOVIE that fit the criteria for my mood: action, sex and GOOD ACTING. Sure, I could watch Maximum Risk for the first two, but the third is the kicker. Go to any Blockbuster and try to find a movie with a good story, well known actors and really good, sweaty sex.

It doesn’t exist. If I want to get any sex at all, I’m forced to rent horrible B movies from the eighties that have chicks with guns in pink lingerie on the cover and titles like Fatal Desires. I don’t want porn, I don’t want flowery English Patient romantic sex. I want violence, loud music, mysterious men, backhanded bitchslaps and Esterhaus-ian sex. I guess I’ll have to wait for The Cell to come out this summer.

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