Letters We Answered
in Green and Yellow
Dear
APP:
I
keep dreaming that my teeth are falling out.
Hmboyz@hotmail.com
Dear H:
Super. You know, I don't
know about you Chris, but I think I can say, without fear of contradiction,
that I take the proverbial cake for "weirdest dreams in
history". And no matter how
detailed I can be in their descriptions, when I ask someone, anyone, "what
do you think it means?", they say, "I don't know…you're
nuts". I have a dream dictionary,
but so often the things I dream about are not listed. I dreamt that I had a little baby kitten with a human face that
could speak fluent English…but I kept it hidden in a drawer…or the time I
dreamt that Jesus came to my birthday party and I hid under the table…and what
about when I had Brett Favre's baby but kept it in a mayonnaise jar because I
was so ashamed. These are things that
no one can explain. I mean, when you
dream that you're teeth are falling out, it's obvious… the Tommyknockers are
coming.
Dear
APP:
What
is it about the sport of hockey, specifically, that gets players so angry? Why
is it that we just accept that there will be a fight at a hockey game? Why
don't basketball players act this way,
or baseball players, for instance?
Sccrmom@hotmail.com
Dear Sccrmom,
I think it has something to do with having to play on ice all the
time. Maybe they have to get into fights to keep their blood going. Or maybe...
JUST MAYBE... there's something going on in the so-called "Penalty
Box" that we don't know about! Maybe the Penalty Box is actually where
everyone WANTS to be!
Dear
APP:
Don't
you think it's about time we gave the Germans a break?
Tierlieben@aol.com
Tier:
Of course, and as the resident "Germaniac" of the
site, I think I'll field this question if you don't mind.
Certainly…by all means…go ahead.
Danke. You know, we're
always so quick to point out that it was in fact GERMANY that brought about the
largest, most despicable episode of slaughter and human suffering in the
history of film…I mean, the world…but let's not forget…that WAS fifty years
ago…and I've got a news flash…Germany is a democracy now, completely lacking in
genocidal dictators. And let me just
say, *whew* and thank God the good old United States never made a mistake --
lest the rest of the world never forgive us…(two Native Americans and a black
woman roll their eyes and exit stage left)
You know, without Germany, we'd have no Mercedes, and I know that's a
painfully obvious example, but it's a good one. Also, what about Oktoberfest?
Beer, schnitzel, wurst, kraut!
Or GERMAN CHOCOLATE CAKE….ohhh, German chocolate cake…giver of life….I
digress. The greatest reason we have
(so far) for giving the Germans a break is that without them we could never
"give anyone our spiel", "muddle through all this sturm und
drang", say, "Gesundheit" or, for God's sake, listen to a chorus
of 8 year olds sing "Stille Nacht" at Christmastime. I LOVE GERMANY. I LOVE THE GERMANS.
DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES!
Jessi
Dear
APP:
What
the…?
Jubjub@hotmail.com
Jub:
I know it. I couldn't
believe it either…but that's exactly what happened. Don't tell anyone though, Katie made me promise to keep it a secret.
Jessi
Dear
APP:
Is
there ever videos on MTV anymore?
Jgrdn@mmmrrrg.org
J:
I'm not sure myself, J.
As far as I can tell, MTV has turned into one big Korn/'N Sync/KC and
JoJo fest, tempered with brief fits of shows which show beautiful, rich, skinny,
well dressed, consistently fed people supposedly living in THE REAL WORLD or
some such crap. In my real world, I
have to be in bed by 10 or else I'm dragging to work the next day, and I sure
as hell have never taken an RV through Mexico, so we best call these shows
DREAMY WORLD. Why do I watch MTV? For Sifl and Olly and occasionally for the
Tom Green Show. For videos I recommend
watching THE BOX or staying up until 3:00 am, which is the time that MTV
dedicates to showing videos.
NOTE: Do NOT fall asleep during
a Sugar Ray video lest you have unrequested dreams about Mark McGrath.