Prophets Predicted This
Column Would Be Here
Dear
APP:
Who’s
afraid of Virginia Wolf?
Babelin@Riptide.com
Dear Babel:
An angry, whacked out feminist like her? I’m sure every man on the planet, not to mention myself.
Dear
APP,
Why
did you choose to answer this letter twice?
psychich@aol.com
Dear "Psychich,"
Are you sure you have the right Mailbag? Perhaps you should learn to 1) count, and 2) spell. Good luck!
Dear
APP:
You
guys are weird. What are you, freaks or
something? Writing about bitches? And aliens?
Freaks.
Achim@gmx.net
Dear Achim,
You make a very good point, and one I’ll have to chew on. WHAT ARE WE? FREAKS OR…SOMETHING. It’s a choice we have to make, and I’m going to go
with SOMETHING. It seems to me, if we were a FREAKS, (and I’m just speculating here, based on my miniscule knowledge of how freaks are portrayed in films like FREAKS or even the hit films MASK and ACE VENTURA PET DETECTIVE), that we would actually be somehow offending to the eye, having terrifying physical disfigurements, uncontrollable flatulence and drooling. But we don’t. I’ll admit right now that both Chris AND myself are relatively pleasing to the eye and have a clean and pleasant smell. It’s simply our MINDS that are freakish, so that makes
us SOMETHING else. And besides, your facts to back up your question, mainly our use of white slavery and alien relationships in fiction, present a flimsy argument towards Freakdom, as I doubt you feel Chris Carter or Gillian Anderson are freaks. One of whom is clearly an alien, the other clearly a bitch, although it’s not for me to distinguish who is who.
Dear
APP -
What
the hell IS an Absurd Pamphlet Press?
onewholuvs@juno.com
Dear One,
The origin of the "APP" name goes back more than 100 years. In 1898, one Harold P. Humphrees of Old New York came into the ownership of a medium-sized printing press. Rather than contract it out for conventional jobs, he used it to create his own line of tracts and pamphlets on absurd topics - such as 10 Moot Points And How to Revive Interest In Them, Why Not Five Wheels?, and Y Is Not a Vowel - which he handed out to stunned passers-by of the time. It was to the memory of this man's vision that we dedicated our site.
Dear
APP:
Are
you hot or what?
RipWnkl@hotmail.com
Dear Rip:
Well, no. I mean, it’s almost 80 degrees here today, but we have air conditioning so…really, no. What an odd question, no. I’m really quite comfortable.
Dear
APP:
You
pages SUX!
Jd432CX@aol.com
Jd432:
We can’t argue with that logic OR with that verb usage. Kudos, Jd…hope
to hear from you again.
Dear
APP,
Why
did you choose to answer this letter twice?
psychich@aol.com
Dear Psychich,
I stand corrected, and humbled in the face of your psychich powers. Only YOU know why this letter was answered twice.