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I Miss
My Bitch
Oh boy, was that ever a mistake. I
told my bitch that we were through, and it turned into this big screaming
fight and bitch threw the really nice leather collar I bought RIGHT BACK IN
MY FACE. "Don't make this any harder than it already is,
bitch" I said, but bitch kept RIGHT on screaming. "You're
the only master for me, the only one! You'll realize what a mistake
you've made once I'm gone. I'm the only bitch you'll ever love."
Bitch was right.
I miss my bitch like crazy. Sure,
we had rough times, times when bitch wouldn't obey, times when I felt like
saying "Do not walk behind me, I may not lead…Do not walk in front of
me, for I may not follow…just walk beside me, and be my bitch", but
overall, we had fun. And man oh man did bitch make a mean Manhattan
Clam Chowder…a chowder that many people decline when out at a restaurant,
but you could never resist it when made by my bitch. And sometimes,
bitch would be a human table, and I would eat the chowder, balancing the
bowl carefully on bitch's back. THOSE, my friend, were the
days.
But I stand here now, doing my own damn
laundry, cleaning my own damn bathroom floor…crying. BITCH! I
MISS YOU! I remember the day that bitch first came into my life,
crawling, through the front door, carrying a box of Dunkin Donuts Munchkins
between her teeth. What a gesture. How can you resist a bitch
who brings donuts? I gave bitch a collar, and black wooden box to
sleep on top of. After eating our munchkins, we watched Full House
for the first time…
"Master? Permission to
speak?"
"Sure."
"Bob Saget would make a great
bitch, don't you think?" I patted bitch on the head and smiled
contently.
"Yes he would, my sweet little
bitch…yes he would."
That's it…I can't go another day…I have
to go back to my bitch and beg forgiveness. I'll get on my knees and
BEG for it. Then bitch will come home, and scrape the old oatmeal off
of my dishes, and all will be peace. Oh, you Gods look down…and bring
my bitch back to me.
Maybe I'll bring bitch some Munchkins.
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