APP Round Table

Good evening, I'm Jessi and welcome to APP Round Table, wherein we shed the heavy chains of engaging personality and delve deep into the mire of pretentious bullshit.

Tonight my guest is Chris, co-editor, cheese lover, super genius. Chris, we've received a letter to the APP Letters Column from reader Peter that I think raises some interesting points - and certainly we should address them in an academic manner, seeing as that's what the public wants. Let me read you some excerpts and get your reaction.

Dear Jessi:

I felt obligated to reinvestigate your website again. Much to my surprise the topic of the mailbag discussion was your "hotness." Having seen you in person on numerous occasions and the fact that you are an asexual being in my universe since you are married to my best friend, I will not comment on the accuracy of your mailbag readers' assumptions or your own assessment.

Chris: I think the key phrase here is "in my Universe". Let's talk about "Peter's Universe" for a minute. I'm betting it's a small place, with lots of small boxes and drawers for him to put concepts in. He seems like one those people we've discussed earlier - the ones that travel through life with a magical labelmaker. And let me say this, at the risk of fueling the fire on the current discussion in APP, which I am not a part of and not interested in...He takes some effort to point out that you are asexual to him, and he was obviously intrigued enough by the hotness issue to chime in in such a verbose way. My immediate reaction was that the civil servant doth protest too much. If you follow me.

Jessi: I follow you. But let's not go down this road anymore...Frockwood has filed a cease and desist on all hottness discussions. But tell me this, why do you feel Peter was "obligated to reinvestigate" our site?

Chris: Obligated to reinvestigate...Well, it seems sort of in keeping with his mentality. He seems the type of person who feels obligated to set other people straight a lot in his life. He was kind enough to fly down out of the tower and save us from our own ignorance - maybe we should just be thankful.

Jessi: Maybe so. Let's move on to the next part of the letter.

However, having read your webpage again, and particularly this strain of discussion, I have come to the conclusion that I still do not understand your website. What is its purpose?

Jessi: I guess we've never set down a purpose, did we Chris? I mean, do we have a mission statement? A - SITE CHARTER, if you will? I guess the real question is - how is the APP making a difference in the world?

Chris: And here is where he's got us cornered, and this is why I think we should simply fold up our tents and move on. We have no mission, no stated purpose, and more importantly, WE ARE NOT REACHING PETER.

The satire does not make a political or moral statement. Your farce of pop culture does not provide insight or comment on the state of Americana.

Chris: Well, it's clear to me that we're not fitting into the Peter Paradigm. So let;s get out of the business - POST HASTE. TOUT SUITE if you will.

And what of the metaphysical? Try as I might, I can not relate to your absurdist, nihilistic genre or writing. So who are these people that can relate?

Jessi: Chris, Can you give examples of anything on this site that is even remotely nihilistic? I seem to remember a feature wherein I stated my belief in Jesus Christ...how can that be construed as nihilistic?

Chris: Again. I begged you to include something for the Nihilist demographic.

Jessi: As a writer, do you find that your main goal is to cater to all people, all of the time, regardless of your creative vision?

Chris: No - and that's why I'm not a success.

Jessi: I guess it's time that we reevaluate the APP.

Chris: PAST time.

Jessi: We've already pissed off a minimum of two readers in Carcazoid and Peter...we don't want to rock the boat anymore. Maybe what we need is a simple paragraph on the front page that simply says, "Here is what we aim to do...here is who it will appeal to"

Chris: Perhaps a press release? Apologizing to those whose needs have not been met?

Jessi:  In conclusion, let me offer this:  The APP is going through its gangly adolescent phase.  Maybe it's regretting not having a graphics library, maybe it wishes that it had some ad banners.  It's still toying with the idea of a message board.  Sometimes, the APP worries that it's a big waste of time, and more than once it has contemplated ending it all, taking everything down and just becoming a big 404 on the face of humanity.  But no, it still muddles along.

What some readers don't know is that the APP isn't supposed to have any purpose at all.  It's kind of funny that we get letters asking the ABSURD Pamphlet Press what it's all about.  It's about nothing and everything - it's whatever Chris and I feel like putting up.  The updates are sparse as of late because we've been engaged in different things.  Our lives are not the APP, and yours should not be reading the APP - all we ask is that you stop by occasionally, check out the archives, spread the word to your friends, and drop us a line every once in a while.  No harm done.

Thank you, and good night.

 

FEATURAMA  -  HOME

 

© 2000 Absurd Pamphlet Press