My Very Very Favorites
A Review by Jessi

Kids, do you want to configure your internet to be just like me? Do you want to open up your Internet Explorer 4.5 only to discover that your favorites menu is EXACTLY the same as mine? Then come along, won’t you? And take a journey through:

Jessi’s Favorites Menu

First of all…www.abpam.com is my home page. Every morning, I turn on Howard Stern, turn on the computer, smile at my desktop pattern, sign on to "the web" and admire the handiwork of APP…try it yourself. It’s refreshing like a lemon water spritzer.

www.espn.com

I love sports, mostly football and baseball. My husband and I play in fantasy leagues, and this is a good way to keep up on stats and the latest trials and triumphs of one Mr. Ricky Williams. It was here that I first found out that Kornell David had been cut by the Bulls, thus ending my allegiance to the team. It’s historical, it’s factual…it’s ESPN.

www.spafinders.com

When I am famous, when I publish a book, when I get a raise, or when I’m officially named America’s Sweetheart, I will be going to the Solace Spa in Canada. There is no joy IN THE WORLD equal to a one hour massage, a facial and a dip in the pool. It’s like a wonderful, blinding, three hour extended orgasm. But for $4,000? I’ll just stay at home and sit in the tub. This is a dreamy site, where I go when Chris and I start talking about making big budget adventure films.

www.thegripe.com

The simplest concept in the world, and the simplest set up. I think it’s fun to go here and listen to the 13 year olds gripe about life and how they couldn’t get backstage to meet Korn. I can’t wait until they find out that they owe $3,500 in taxes someday. I can't wait until they work for a guy who asks them to "find a picture of technology" on the internet. THAT'S something to gripe about. WHERE’S YOUR KORN NOW, BITCH?

www.rammstein.com

I like this new set up for their official site except that there’s no picture gallery. Admittedly, there are endless fansites where I can find good pics, but I liked the OFFICIAL ones, taken by Oliver himself. Rammstein.com is only updated monthly, but with special features like "Alcoholic Beverages Named After Rammstein", it’s worth the wait. In Jessi's mind, Rammstein can do very little wrong, but asking me for $40 to join the fan club is a big step in that direction.

www.theonion.com

In a perfect world, I would be writing for the Onion. That perfect world would also include me having the TALENT to write for the Onion. I love the Onion…all praise its power. The Onion is home to the finest parody headline of all time: Ebert Victorious.

www.brunching.com

The Brunching Shuttlecocks are a sort of mentor for me but I only go to this site when there are mail updates or if there is a new "ratings" up. I almost NEVER agree with the movie reviews, but I admire their ability to update the site every day…and not too many ad banners or affiliate links. They do it for themselves. Kudos, Shuttlecocks.

http://www.notam.uio.no/~hcholm/altlang/ht/German.html

The Alternative German Dictionary

Let’s be honest, the Germans have WAAAAY too many words for FUCK. But I’m grateful for this page because it taught me a vital lesson. When I go to Germany, I should not be casually telling people that I "want to play the violin". There are so many jokes to go along with this phrase, I spent 15 minutes on IM going through them all. Check out Busengrapscher for the most specific slang term ever.

www.tomgreen.com

This is the Tom Green site, it’s not the Green Tom site, this is my favorite site, because it is Tom’s site. In addition to basic updates about the show and the escapades of one Mr. Tom Green, this site has q&a columns, a letters column and PERSONAL MESSAGES FROM TOM. Thank God for my sister who has assured me that it’s OK to find Tom very very sexy. Both of us love him, but we do it secretly…because he’s naughty.

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/7362/quotes.htm

Quotes From The Works Of The Marquis De Sade

When in doubt, quote the master.

www.mulletsgalore.com

Nothing to say…whenever I visit this site, I have to leave the office in tears because I’m laughing so hard. I don’t know who the guy is that maintains this site, but I want to offer him my body and soul for whatever he wishes to do with it. His penchant for cruelty makes me convulse with laughter and pant with desire. Funny = sexy boys…write it down.

www.snopes.com

I heard a story the other day about a woman who was jacking off with a lobster and it laid eggs in her box and she gave birth to mud shrimp.

I’m surprised to hear that it’s an urban legend.

http://www.enteract.com/~bport/dirty/

This site is teetering on the edge of leaving my favorites menu, mainly because it’s become less about bizarre sexual activities and more about kicking hookers in the jaw. Basically, it’s an alphabetical list of sexual terminology and a description of that act. Some are physically impossible, some are morally impossible, some…I have experienced. I’ll never listen to Billy Joel’s The Stranger the same way again.

www.hecklers.com

Punchlines, Top Ten. That’s why I go. I don’t have Flash on this computer so a lot of the features take too long to load, but the archives of Punchlines make for good lunch hour browsing.


So that’s it. These are my favorites. If you find yourself drawn into these sites and feel that you, too, have discovered a new favorite, make sure you let them know "I heard about it from Jessi at the APP!" It’s important to note that these are NOT APP Affiliates. I list these sites simply because I want everyone to visit them, love them and spread their joy throughout the world.

LET ME SAY THIS ABOUT THAT - HOME

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