Rash Hashman – A man,
in his early thirties, looking for a job
Ebenezer Ampallang – A man,
in his early forties, with a job to give
Lights up: Ebenezer Ampallang is sitting behind his
desk, holding four pencils, sniffing each tip.
Rash Hashman walks in, startling him.
He stands up and indicates a chair, then moves over to a little cupboard
and opens it up, rifling through some things.
Ebenezer: Mr. Hashman? Sit down sit down, please.
I’m so glad you’re here.
Glad. Really really glad. I’m glad to see you. I’m Ebenezer Ampallang and it’s a real,
honest to God pleasure to meet you.
Rash: It’s a pleasure to meet you too. I have to admit, I’m not quite sure what
this job is going to entail, but I assure you that I am ready. Here’s my resume.
Ebenezer brings a box to the desk
and snatches up the resume, staring at it intently.
Ebenezer: Yeah, yup, yep, YES…YES…YES…YES.
I note here that you DO have experience with birds.
Rash nods.
Ebenezer: Catching them? Holding them? IN YOUR
HAND?
Rash: Yes.
I do have extensive experience in catching birds. I mean, there’s a lot of birds out there,
flying around free, but I can catch them.
I can catch them in my hand, and that’s a lot more valuable. I also am…versed in…killing them. Killing two at a time.
Ebenezer: I see…and with what?
Ebenezer taps his two index
fingers together and raises one eyebrow.
Rash is confident though.
Rash: With…one…stone.
Ebenezer sits back in his chair,
nodding. He pulls six or seven eggs out
of the box and puts them on the desk in a line, then carefully removes the
box. He stares at the line of eggs, adjusts
one that refuses to lay still. Adjusts
it again, it rolls again, adjusts it again, then picks it up.
Ebenezer: Just forget about that one. OK.
Six little unborn chickens. I
need you to put them away until they hatch.
WHERE…would you put them?
Rash looks around the room, looks
at Ebenezer.
Rash: First of all. I wouldn’t count on there always being six.
Ebenezer nods.
Ebenezer: Clever. You caught that.
Rash: And then I think I’d separate them, three
and three and put them in separate baskets, just to be safe.
Ebenezer gathers up the eggs and
puts them away…in one basket, but does this out of view of Rash.
Ebenezer: Ok. Everything looks good here, Mr. Hashman. Just a few quick reflex tests here.
Mr. Ampallang pulls an iron out of
the box and plugs it in. Rash waits for
a moment, then jumps up and slaps the iron off the desk. Ebenezer flips a little switch under his
desktop and a small stream of white smoke rises through the air.
Rash: There’s a fire in your second
right hand drawer.
Ebenezer nods, then puts a full
glass of milk on the desk and unceremoniously knocks it over. Rash bites into his thumb and looks at the
floor.
Ebenezer: Problem, Mr. Hashman?
Rash: N..no.
No problem. Are you going to
clean that up?
Rash is decidedly
uncomfortable. Ebenezer stares at
him…making no move to clean it up.
Ebenezer: You look upset, Mr. Hashman.
Rash: I..I…just…I mean, that milk
is gone. It’s out of the glass…it’s…
Ebenezer: SPILLED?
Rash: YES! YES, you spilled it! And you don’t even care!
Ebenezer: You seem…emotional.
Rash: WHO WOULDN’T BE? You spilled that milk all over the floor…and
there’s nothing…I can’t…
He breaks down crying and Ebenezer
nods.
Ebenezer: That’s what I thought.
Ebenezer gets up and Rash stands
too, they shake hands.
Ebenezer: Thank you Mr. Hashman, we’ll
give you a call.
Rash exits.
Ebenezer: The milk gets ‘em….every
time.
The End