modest

Interactive Zoo Kiosks
A Modest Proposal by Chris McCaleb

I have a simple suggestion for the zoos of the world, something that I think that will really increase attendance, even by those people that find animals put in cages a little upsetting or immoral.

I got the idea for this proposal while visiting a zoo myself this past weekend. While admiring the polar bears, the Siberian tigers, the panthers, and the elephants, I realized that at each animal exhibit I was asking myself the same question:

How would I survive against this animal if I somehow fell into the cage with them?

I'm sure you've wondered the same thing. Whenever I'm in a zoo I find that I become very preoccupied with my position on the food chain. All it would take would be a misplaced foot, or leaning too far over a railing, or a cage left slightly ajar, and I'd slip down from my glorious position atop the chain - possibly all the way to the bottom.

So: I propose that each animal exhibit be accompanied by a multimedia presentation entitled What Would Happen If You Somehow Ended Up In The Cage With This Particular Animal. It would be an interactive, computerized kiosk, possibly sponsored by some local merchant, and it would go right where the placard with all those facts about habitats are, the ones I don't read.

Using animations, still shots, charts of relative bite radius and wound sizes, and actual footage where possible, the kiosk would show zoo-goers what they could expect if they were ever pitted against a particular animal in its cage. Some of the finer zoos might also make real-life testimonials available. And users should be able to change certain variables on the simulation, such as whether the hypothetical human falls in the cage before or after feeding time, whether the animal was severely taunted beforehand, and whether the human has any training in defense techniques, to see how that affects the outcome.

Wagering would be strictly prohibited, however.

I think anyone can see the potential for entertainment and education - edutainment, if you will - that can be realized if these interactive kiosks are implemented. And not just from the obvious sources. Obviously everyone would be crowding around the lion pit to check out THAT simulation. But I submit that it might also be interesting to see how a flock of flustered flamingoes would handle a small, screaming child in their midst. Or perhaps a group of feeding penguins against an old lady armed only with her umbrella. And no one really thinks about a bald eagle being vicious, but I suspect you might actually fare better against the lions than against an angry bald eagle.

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