Let me tell you about my latest
invention. I call it "The Nerf Room." Soon every household
will have one, because, as you will see, the Nerf Room combines exercise,
sport, supreme relaxation, and a safe release for aggression and anger. Come
along, won’t you?
As you enter the Nerf Room, you
notice that it is a completely square room. It is like being inside a cube with
40' sides. You notice also that the doorway you linger in is up in the exact
center of the wall, and that there are no stairs to get down. Wow! It's quite a
jump down there! But that's OK - because the bottom of the Nerf Room is
covered with a layer 6 feet thick of bits of nerf - baseball-shaped nerfs,
basketball nerfs, football-shaped nerfs - every shape.
After taking off your shoes, you
jump into the middle of the Nerf Room from the height of the door - and land
safely in the pile of nerf. You bounce for a while, then settle down. Soon some
of your friends join you. Everyone is laughing, having a good time. You find
that no matter how you lay on the nerf bits, you are always comfortable. Some
of your friends start a game of keep-away with one of the nerf balls, and you
watch comfortably, half-buried under a mound of nerf particles.
You see, the Nerf Room is nothing
less than the adult version of one of those plastic-ball filled jumping rooms
that they have at McDonald's for kids! Only on a much larger scale, and kids
are allowed only in the morning hours! The game of keep-away fades away, and
soon you are all laying on the piles and piles of Nerf, utterly relaxed.
And then you hear the whine of the
motors.
The room begins to tilt - slowly
at first - and you and your friends scramble for one of the handholds on the
foam-covered walls. Nerf and people slide crazily towards the bottom! Soon, the
Nerf Room has tilted ninety degrees! What was the floor is now a wall! The
doorway you entered by is covered by nerf! Let the games begin!
In one corner, the keep-away game
begins again, and this time, with the room occasionally tilting as play
progresses, it's a lot more fun and challenging. Some of you are playing king
of the mountain in one corner - although the mountain keeps sliding away to the
wall every time the room tilts.
The Nerf Room has a complete
freedom of rotation - it can turn 360 degrees by 360 degrees, in any of five
safe speeds. There is a door in the center of each wall, and recessed ladders
for easy access. And, for added fun, there are two variations on standard
Nerf Room fun:
Up to six players can be suspended
by bungees, Thunderdome-style, from one of the six surfaces inside Nerf
Room. One minute you're down - the next minute you're in the air! Who has the
ball now? Let's play hit the man in the air with the ball! It all depends how
the room twists! If the wall you're bungeed to has rotated to the top, you can
bounce over everyone's' heads! Wheee!
The third variation? With the
special drain and pump attachments, Nerf Room can become a crazy Rotating Pool!
One minute you're having a leisurely swim, the next minute you're on a waterfall! Emergency drains located along
each wall!
Come along! Join the fun in the Nerf
Room!*
Furthermore, APP is announcing a
contest: It's the Design the Newest Nerf Room Game Contest! Write in with the most creative and fun
game that YOU can see the Nerf Room being used for! We'll post the top entries,
and link you forever into this page!
*No smoking in the Nerf Room.
© 1999 Absurd Pamphlet Press