Notes for Humanity

NOTES

NOTE TO RENE RUSSO:

You must be GREAT in bed - that's the only thing that could explain you still getting work.

NOTE TO CHICAGO DJS:

We have to listen to that stupid Chicago neighborhood accent all day in real life. Why would you create a character that uses that voice?

NOTE TO MICHIGAN AVENUE FUR-WEARING BITCHES:

ALL of us have to get on the bus, you don't HAVE to be first.

NOTE TO WEBMASTERS:

Java is cool, but not 100% necessary.

NOTE TO THE GOTH CHICKS:

It's not working.

NOTE TO PREVIOUS NOTE:

It is for me.

NOTE TO FABIO:

I hope you're putting some of that money away.

NOTE TO CELINE DION:

Man cannot live on bread alone, but for Christ's sake, at least that man is eating something, skeletor.

NOTE TO MARIAH CAREY:

I think I saw some rappers over there that haven't had their dicks sucked by you.

NOTE TO DISNEY:

I'm on to you.

NOTE TO USERS OF COOL NEW 3-D FILMING TECHNIQUE:

Sometimes, when you overdo something, it loses a degree of coolness.

NOTE TO THAT GUY THAT CUT ME OFF IN TRAFFIC YESTERDAY:

Up yours, dick.

NOTE TO CUSTOMER SERVICE TELEPHONE OPERATORS:

It's not my fault, OK? Whatever's up your ass was put there by someone else.

NOTE TO MTV:

Music Television. MUSIC Television. That's all, really.

NOTE TO TOM PETTY:

Didn't you just release a song that sounded EXACTLY like this one?

NOTE TO THE LYTE FUNKY ONES:

We've got six boy bands on the charts already, but thanks.

NOTE TO PAMELA ANDERSON:

We love you for who you are.

NOTE TO MY ID:

Take Pamela Anderson off "the list."

NOTE TO BRITTANY SPEARS:

NOTE TO FEMINISTS:

While you were bitching, I got some stuff done.

NOTE TO NEWS ANCHORS COVERING A HUMAN TRAGEDY:

The question "How did you feel when you found out?" is, essentially, meaningless.