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Blind Date Set-Up 2
Our
recent success with setting up Darth Maul and
Audrey MacArthur led us to believe that other Star Wars characters might
appreciate our help in their romantic endeavors. So, this week, we've
set up Obi Wan Kenobi and Queen Amidala's hand maiden, Padme.
Padme: Well.I was excited to go out
with Obi Wan, just because he seems very young and energetic, and I really
like his sense of fashion.a lot of neutrals. Unfortunately, the date
started on a sour note when he called and asked me to dress like Queen
Amidala for the evening.
Obi Wan: I really, really thought that
Padme would be enthralled by my lightsaber, but she just sort of nodded and
smiled politely. I love it when girls say "oooo, what color is
it?" and I say, "I hope we're still talking about my
lightsaber!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.That one never gets old.
Padme: He kept waving his hand at me
like there was a bug in front of him. When I said "I'll have the
Colo Claw Fish Surf n Turf Platter", he waved his hand and said
"a small house salad will be fine". Next thing I know, I'm
eating a pile of greens.
Obi Wan: Yeah, she looks all small and
petite and whatever, but I sense she eats like a Bantha. I only had
like 75 republic credits for the whole evening, and she's ordering like she
hasn't eaten in two weeks. Besides being expensive, it just
isn't.ladylike. I bet Queen Amidala doesn't eat that much.
Padme: I know I'm her handmaiden and
everything, but CHRIST does Obi want to know EVERYTHING about the
queen. When is she home? What does she read? What kind of
guys does she like? Does she know I'm a Jedi? Ami, Ami, Ami. It
gets old. So I turned the tables on him and asked him about Anakin,
what a sweet little boy.
Obi Wan: That little turd Anakin.
First off, he's my Padawan Learner, so I have to be home by like NINE every
night and he's always like, AMIDALA AND I WENT AND FED DUCKS TODAY.
Whatever. So I thought shaving his head like mine might make him look
stupid, but sure enough, they all dig him even more. "Oh, Ani,
you look so grown up." That kid is trouble, take it from
me. The Queen is basically his goddam shadow, and the kid isn't even
ten yet. She'll learn. She'll learn soon enough that he can't
"use the force" like a grown man can.and then I make my
move. Padme, to be honest, is just a stand in until that day.
Padme: The weird part is, I DID go
home and sleep with him, and I don't even know WHY.it just happened.
It was totally odd because I usually like a guy to stay and cuddle or
whatever, but I just found myself kicking him out of bed saying "move
along" and he did. I don't think I'll call him again.
Obi Wan: I did her.but it wasn't that
great. I had to "disentangle" myself from her, she was
clinging to me like a rhesus monkey after we were done. Then I
stopped in her bathroom with a Boobies of Naboo magazine and "quieted
my mind" if you know what I mean. MAYBE, MAYBE I would have stayed
and made her dress up like the queen and stuff, but AGAIN, I had to get
home and make sure Anakin wasn't constructing some nutball wuss droid like
he did back home. I had fun with Padme, but, as you know, she's not
my first choice.
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