My Day Perusing the Email
by Jessi
WOW, I’ve just noticed it’s 11:00 pm and I haven’t eaten a thing or even left
this desk for a MINUTE since 8:45 this morning! Well! I mean, I signed on to
check my email and was caught up in that for a FULL DAY! First of all, I didn’t
even know I had so many friends. I mean, when I signed on to AOL and heard that
I had mail, I nearly wet my pants from excitement, and imagine when I saw 15
messages! 15! Well, I was amazed. The first one, simply titled HEY! From
Karol5767 (a woman I don’t even know!), was an intriguing question posed in
bold blue text on a hot pink background….WHY WASTE TIME SEARCHING FOR THE
HOTTEST PORN ON THE NET, WHEN I’VE GOT FRESH TEEN ASS RIGHT HERE? Why indeed
Karol? Why indeed. Nothing beats SOMEONE ELSE doing the work for you. I was instructed
to click on the Fresh Teen Ass icon which sent me on a whirlwind adventure of
pop up ads and "totally free" porn sites that needed my credit
card…simply to verify my age. I must have the wrong credit cards though,
because I don’t see my birthday anywhere on them. Anyway, when the Fresh Teen
Ass didn’t pan out, I moved on to my next email…with the subject line Cum See
Three Hot New Pee Sites. Urology has long been an interest of mine, so I
ignored the obvious and unfortunate typo to go and explore said PEE
SITES….again, they were totally free with "streaming" video (hee
hee), but again, they wanted me to SUBSCRIBE to the free sites. AGAIN, I didn’t
have the right Birthdate Credit Card, and I was forced to move on. I was a
little disturbed by an email whose title read: LOOK AT THIS!!!! I was hoping it
was a fun chain email wherein I send a virtual snowball to fifty five thousand
people for good luck, but instead…it was a link to a site that featured Horny
Chicks, Food and Fisting. Hmm. HMMM. I took a pass…but only because I had so
much mail to check. Then there was the email from JeniK9878 who said,
"HERE’S THOSE NAKED PICS OF ME THAT YOU REQUESTED!" Thank God she
reminded me. I must ask a minimum of eleven people each day to send me naked
pics of themselves, but I can never remember if I receive them or not…Jeni had
the wherewithall to let me know exactly what she was sending. I moved on. Some
enterprising young girls named Kat and Misty have started their own NAUGHTY web
site, and they invited me to cum see it! That was sweet. Perhaps Chris and I
should look in to individually emailing EVERYONE in the world about the APP. It
will take a while, but I’m sure it will be worth it. The next on my list of emails
was some sort of long lost friend search services I think. When I opened the
email I was greeted with this proposal: Did your girlfriend blow you off in
highschool? Now you can cum in her eye! I don’t know about you, but when I
think "ultimate revenge", I think about coming in someone’s eye…and
I’m a woman, so it would take some doing. I wasn’t interested in finding any
old school mates, so I surfed along, checking out the rest of my messages,
which included invitations to a pillow fight at a sorority, some sort of young
justice site wherein BARELY LEGAL TEENS were pleading their case and finally a
sports team fan club in support of the California Cum Guzzlers. All in all, it
was a very full day, and I can’t wait to check my email tomorrow!
G’ Night!
© 1999 Absurd Pamphlet Press