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The Unprofessional Actress Part III – Top Of The World,
MA!
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The Unprofessional Actress is in a
semi, quasi good mood. On one hand, she's been cast in a new
production of Macbeth. On the other hand…she's playing "a
murderer"…on a third, mutant hand, she's being paid $25 a show to do
it and she gets to have a knife. She is sitting with Oliver at a
restaurant known to attract "industry types" and discussing the
first read through of the play.
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In the industry, if you're going to
"embellish" it's best to make sure that you
"embellish" about another state, far, far away from where you
actually are.
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Oliver: I can't believe I'm asking
this…but what's the concept.
She: MMM…Post-Apocolyptic
Germany. Industrial music, black and red costumes. Lady Macbeth
as a dominatrix.
Oliver: William Shakespeare's
Macbeth?
She: Yes. I asked Herr
Direktor if we were going to change it to Macsteinmann, and he didn't
laugh. He urged me to stay focused.
Oliver: Doesn't Macbeth take place
in Scotland?
She: We're going to "work
around" that.
Four people from the industry
approach, cleverly disguising their goosestepping as a casual gait.
They sit and squeal at Oliver.
Famine: OLLLLLIVER! I
haven't seen you in FOREVER!
They hug in a very noncommittal way.
Pestilence: Hi, I'm Pestilence.
The Unprofessional Actress shakes his
hand and watches the phony love amongst the industry and Oliver.
Oliver is a spy of sorts. He "gets along" with the industry
and brings the Unprofessional Actress news.
War: Oliver…what are you doing?
Oliver: Oh, nothing right now. (In
the industry, if you're not current rehearsing or performing a show…you're
doing NOTHING. A cure for premature ejaculation is a lofty goal, but
it doesn't bring an audience) I'm just here talking about the new
production of Macbeth that my friend UA is in.
War looks at UA. It IS a WAR
now. The industry has an unusual combat, a sort of joust that only
the strongest survive. It's called…Can You Top This, let's watch as
UA reduces War to rubble simply by lying, a term the industry calls
"embellishment".
War: You're doing Karl
Sternburgenson's Macbeth?
She: Yes. I am.
War: I was in his production of
Shrew. (In the industry, Shakespearean plays are never referred to
in full, they are reduced as if on a first name basis)
She: The one set in the stone age?
War: Yes. I had a small
role, but Karl said he wanted to work with me again.
She: Yeah…I had a director say
that to me too when I did Hedda Gabler in Missouri.
War: Really? What
company? I did some dinner theatre in Alabama.
She: Oh, it was a small
company…what did you do in dinner theatre?
War: I played Mitch in Streetcar
She: Streetcar…a good friend of
mine is directing that later this spring…I'm going to be playing Blanche.
War: Oh! Wow…that reminds me of
the time I did Glass Menagerie in Kentucky and played Tom…what an
experience, I grew a lot as an actor.
(In the industry, if you're going to
"embellish" it's best to make sure that you "embellish"
about another state, far, far away from where you actually are.)
She: Menagerie…that brings back
memories. Laura…I won a RashHashmann award for that.
(In the industry, no one admits to
not being familiar with something or someone, so its good to just make
something up and watch them nod)
War: Fantastic. I wish I had
gotten more press on my ONE MAN HAMLET…I might have been up for that
award. The critics loved it.
She: Which critics?
War: Some, from around here…
(War is stumped. In the game of Can You Top This, it's taboo to
ask for proof or further detail…The Unprofessional Actress has crossed the
line)
The Four Industrymen rise and exit,
muttering quietly "who is rashhashmann?" Oliver lights a
cigarette and smiles.
Oliver: Touche, madam
She: Thank you.
The Unprofessional Actress considers
putting the RashHashmann award on her resume even though she's never even
been in The Glass Menagerie.
Next time on The Unprofessional
Actress - The resistance takes action.
Previously on Unprofessional Actress...
FICTIONARIUM
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