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The Unprofessional Actress Part VI – The Industry Kicks
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The Unprofessional Actress, having
completed a successful run of Post Apocolyptic Macbeth, is now enjoying a
cheap beer at the cast party. Thank God that Oliver is there with her
because "industry" love is thick in the air. The cast party
is a phenomenon because invariably it also includes audience members,
family and spouses. This gives cast members an opportunity to LEAVE
their stage makeup ON so people know who to coo at and give empty
compliments to. The Unprofessional Actress seeks to dispel rumors and
myth. She will not give the industry the satisfaction. An
admirer approaches.
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I
think the director's concept in this show stemmed from his desire to
rid his crawlspace of the leftover memorabilia and pyrotechnics from
the last KISS tour...
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Blind Follower of Theatre: You were really good.
She: Thank you. What part did I play?
Blind Follower of Theatre giggles
nervously and walks away.
She: One down.
Blind Follower of Theatre Who's
Husband Was In The Play:
Oh my God! How do you remember all of those lines?!?!?!
She: (mimicking) I don't know!!!!
Isn't it amazing? Sometimes, though, people forget their lines…IT'S
TRUE!
BFoTWHWITP: It is! And don't you get nervous?
She: SO NERVOUS! That's why I do theatre,
because it scares me to be on stage! I'm in it for the non stop fear!
BFoTWHWITP: What's your favorite play?
Oliver giggles and steps away from
the conversation, wondering if this woman is a plant, sent to ask every
question in the stereotype handbook.
She: That's a tough one. No one's ever
asked me that before. I guess I'd have to say…HAMLET. It's just
so great! And it's just NOT PRODUCED ENOUGH.
BFoTWHWITP: (nodding) Right! Anyway, GOOD SHOW!
The woman toddles off in glee to
corner another actor.
Blind Follower of Theatre Who Knows
Theatre Buzz Words: Great
show. Great, great, great show. Fun stuff.
She: Yes, you're right. The tragedy of
Macbeth's insanity and ultimately fatal ambition IS indeed, fun stuff.
BFoTWKTBW: What did you think the director's
"concept" said to the themes of ambition and revenge?
She: That's a GREAT question.
Oliver chokes on his drink, knowing
that tone of voice.
She: Let me tell you this. I don't think
that the "concept" should say anything. In fact, I don't
think the set, costumes, music or program notes should say anything.
I think the ACTORS should say things and within those things they say
should be the heart of ambition and revenge. I think the director's
concept in this show stemmed from his desire to rid his crawlspace of the
left over memorabilia and pyrotechnics from the last KISS tour and somehow
appeal to the YOUTH OF AMERICA by putting heavy guitar music into the
score. But I've got the 411, mac, you could put rows and rows of
naked, snowboarding, Korn fans up on that stage and the Youth of America
STILL won't come see it. Because the Youth Of America isn't
stupid. They know a ploy when they see it. Kids have no time
for Shakespeare, and that's fine. Don't force it, you'll make it
worse. Hopefully, they'll enjoy it later. Shakespeare doesn't
need to be updated, it's POETRY. It's masterful. And for some
pinhead director to waltz in with the idea that "it's pretty good, but
I can IMPROVE on it," is ASSININE. Someday, I will round up all
of those directors and make them eat their own eyes. In the meantime,
we should do simple, actor-text focused performances of plays in which all
the concept you need is in the script.
BFoTWKTBW gathers his wits about him
and crawls away, saddened that he couldn't use more buzz words. A
Snotty Admirer of Theatre has overheard UA's diatribe and approaches
slowly, adjusting her black turtleneck and lighting a cigarette as she
goes. She is not involved in theatre in any way, but she feels free
to criticize. She's in the industry because of her ability to look
down her nose and insult people without them realizing it.
Snotty Admirer: I enjoyed the performance. It was much
better than I thought it would be.
She: I'm SO glad we surprised you.
Snotty Admirer: And what do you do for a living?
She: I'm an actress.
Snotty Admirer: Who isn't?
She: You, for one.
Snotty: I meant, what do you do for a REAL job?
Oliver holds UA back by the elbows
and Snotty Admirer throws her head back in laughter. She's broken
through and caused UA to stumble. UA remembers her face…she now has
an arch nemesis.
Next Time On Unprofessional Actress –
Hitting The Circuit
Previously on Unprofessional Actress...
FICTIONARIUM
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