THE GIFT FROM SPACE
Part 3

 

"Perhaps we should have taken the aliens' gifts. At least the mattresses," suggested a White House advisor. "Or maybe the prefixes. We certainly don't want to anger an advanced race."

"I stand by my actions," said the President, who had been a lawyer before he was elected. "Sometimes accepting strange gifts is seen as an implied acceptance of terms," he said cryptically.

It was several days before the next ship appeared over the edge of the

The President looked at the box for a few moments without taking it. It was clear he was doing all he could to keep his expression neutral. Finally he spoke. "'Sinuses' is what I thought you said."

Moon. By now the White House had arranged a gala receiving area near the Rose Garden.

"Guess what we brought you!" said the alien being as it emerged from its ship onto the White House lawn. It was plain to see that this alien was of a different origin than the previous two. Six spindly legs - except for one, which held a small package behind its back to keep the gift a surprise - moved a large, cube-shaped head towards the President.

"Wow, what a week we're having!" said the President. "I couldn't possibly guess what you brought us."

"Guess!" insisted the cube-headed alien. A stylized imitation of a human face - bearing an expression of delight - appeared on the side of the cube facing the President like an image on a monitor.

"A miniaturized laser weapon?" tried the President.

"Nope! Try again!" said the alien.

"A cheap, clean, and reusable power source?" ventured the President.

"That's it - NOT!" said the alien, its 'face' beaming with pleasure. "Try again!"

"I give up," said the President, rubbing his temples.

"Try again!" repeated the alien, as if it hadn't heard.

The President sighed. "Um...the secret of interstellar travel?"

"Close!" said the alien, and the President looked up, excited.

"Do you give up?" asked the alien.

"YES!" said the Commander in Chief. "Tell me!"

"SINUSES!" said the alien triumphantly, and it brought a small box out from behind its back, presenting it proudly.

The President looked at the box for a few moments without taking it. It was clear he was doing all he could to keep his expression neutral. Finally he spoke. "'Sinuses' is what I thought you said."

"Yes, SINUSES!" repeated the alien, and the happy face display began to blink on every surface of the cube.

"How..." began the President, and then he stopped and tried again. "Um... are these ADVANCED sinuses?"

The alien looked at the box. "Well... WE consider them advanced," it replied.

"But... are they more advanced than the ones we already HAVE?" asked the President.

The alien withdrew the box. "You already have sinuses?" it asked in a puzzled voice.

The two beings stood there in silence for a few moments as the world's cameras broadcast the scene to every corner of the globe. After a moment a small panel opened on the side of the alien's head, and it dejectedly placed the box in the compartment.

"Well, this is embarassing," said the alien. Each side of its cube-head began displaying a sheepish expression.

"Don't think about it another minute," said the President icily.

"What about..." Suddenly a panel opened on the opposite side of the alien's head from the previous one; a spindly leg reached up and took out a complicated-looking metallic device. "THIS!" said the alien, the triumph in its voice implying that the previous item had only been a gag gift.

"Ah HAH!" said the President, reaching for the device greedily. "Now, this looks like something we would be interested in!" The gift bore a resemblance to a small hand-held vacuum. Several impressive-looking dials and blinking lights studded its shiny metallic exterior. "What is it?" asked the President.

"It's a... YETI-DETECTION DEVICE!" exclaimed the alien, hopping excitedly about on its six legs.

It required all his experience from years as a politician for the President not to drop the machine in surprise.

"How KIND," said the President, his face becoming red. Several advisors began making signals to him, but he ignored them.

"What a GENEROUS GIFT," he said, making no effort to keep his voice pleasant. "Unfortunately, we DON'T WANT IT." He handed the Yeti Detector back to the alien.

"Don't... want it?" said the alien.

"No," replied the President. "You see, we are blessed to not have any problems WHATSOEVER with Yetis. Therefore, we do not need it, nor do we want it. And I must express surprise that this is the best you can do, since your civilization is obviously more than capable of travelling the stars!"

Suddenly every face of the cube-head went blank. The President swallowed.

"Good day to you, sir," said the alien, and with that, it quickly boarded its craft and took off.

The next day, the Yetis attacked.

 

Fictionarium - Home